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« The Illusion of the ‘burbs Are You Really Trapped? »

What Are the Toxins?

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From the moment your child steps on a soccer field for the first time – at 4 years old – you are made aware immediately how good he or she is. The Park District, the reigning god in suburbia, requires its soccer coaches to divide the teams into “aggressive” and “nonaggressive.” I remember shuddering with anger when I learned that my youngest, Cory, would be in the “non-aggressive” for the first game. And when he graduated to the “aggressive” the next week, I felt a sense of victory.

My son is a winner. I am a winner. I am Lord of the Suburb. And I’m such a loser.

One of the deadly toxins of the suburbs is the constant positioning for status. It’s crazy, really. Positioning is all about feeding the ego, and true spirituality is all about starving it.

What are the toxins that you’ve noticed?

2 Responses to “What Are the Toxins?”

  1. Tim Barg Says:
    February 7th, 2006 at 6:41 pm

    This jockeying for position only escalates as the kids move to travelling leagues. The stakes are higher and so is the glory. I’ve found myself having to swallow hard when my son tried out for the “elite” team but got placed on the “somewhat less that elite” team. “Surely the decision makers were not looking for the right things in a player” I think to myself. Or maybe I’m just a bit biased :) Either way, disappointment happens and the response to disappointment is what builds character. I think there is a toxin that goes something like this: “My kids should not experience disappointment or humbling experiences”. Nobody wants to see their kids suffer, but I’ll tell you I have watched my kids deal with disappointment – stuff that I would have done anything to spare them from – and I have been amazed to see the growth in character that results from swallowing hard and dealing with the hand that was dealt. And, in hindsight I’m glad I have bitten my tongue and I regret times where I have stepped in to help only to rob my child of a growth opportunity. We can coach them thru those times rather than rescue them.

  2. Administrator Says:
    February 7th, 2006 at 6:46 pm

    that is killer:

    “My kids should not experience disappointment or humbling experiences.”

    wow…

    What are we teaching our kids by always stepping in and making it all good for them?

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Copyright © 2005 David L. Goetz
Advance Praise for
Death by Suburb

"Death by Suburb ... addresses and overcomes the split in our religion, our lifestyles, and even our consciousness."
—Fr. Richard Rohr, O.F.M., author of Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer

"With a compassion born of his own experiences of suburban unreality and dysfunction, Goetz effectively evokes a thicker sense of our social and religious worlds."
—Leigh Schmidt, Princeton University, author of Restless Souls: The Making of American Spirituality

"Goetz sees the parched lives, the truncated spirits beneath the suburban bliss, and the grace too. In his gracious eyes suburbia begins to look like an outbreak of the Kingdom of God."
—William H. Willimon, author of Sinning Like a Christian