Comments on: The Poisoning of Play http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html Keep the suburbs from killing your soul. Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:30:07 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Emily http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-1099 Emily Thu, 07 Sep 2006 02:53:16 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-1099 I am an anomaly of the suburbs, now in college, having grown up in the suburbs of New Haven and New York City. However, I was allowed to roam the neighborhood with all the other kids on the block, playing tag, hide and seek, making up plays, and exploring the nearby creek. The kids I babysit for now don't do any of those things. The four-year-olds are on soccer teams, the two-year-olds go to pre-school. Everything is scheduled, except when I am babysitting, and at that point, we have a sort of schedule-- mom comes home at this time, we have 3 hours to play. I think it is a sad situation that kids live in, in the city here in Washington DC as well as in the affluent suburbs. It is not "safe" to let kids roam around the neighborhood anymore. Apparently even people my age were not normally allowed to roam, and when I roam around my city, my friends think I am crazy and worry for my safety. I think parents and people in general are just too scared to enjoy life. I am an anomaly of the suburbs, now in college, having grown up in the suburbs of New Haven and New York City. However, I was allowed to roam the neighborhood with all the other kids on the block, playing tag, hide and seek, making up plays, and exploring the nearby creek. The kids I babysit for now don’t do any of those things. The four-year-olds are on soccer teams, the two-year-olds go to pre-school. Everything is scheduled, except when I am babysitting, and at that point, we have a sort of schedule– mom comes home at this time, we have 3 hours to play. I think it is a sad situation that kids live in, in the city here in Washington DC as well as in the affluent suburbs. It is not “safe” to let kids roam around the neighborhood anymore. Apparently even people my age were not normally allowed to roam, and when I roam around my city, my friends think I am crazy and worry for my safety. I think parents and people in general are just too scared to enjoy life.

]]> By: Caryn Rivadeneira http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-67 Caryn Rivadeneira Sun, 23 Apr 2006 02:35:47 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-67 I feel quite blessed to live in a neighborhood where kids actually burst out of doors at the slightest inkling of nice weather or at the sound of other kids. On any given nice day, if you drove down my street in surburban Elmhurst, you'd see kids chasing, climbing, playing ball, riding bikes, whatever. Not to say these kids aren't scheduled--and even my preschoolers certainly are. But there does seem to be some sense of balance between the amount of time spent in registered Park District classes and playing. I realize this is not true everywhere--which is why I consider myself blessed. Playing just to play is the best part of childhood--fun for the sake of fun is the part I miss most. But it's not only by over-scheduling our kids that we de-fun their lives. I see it also in toys. Ever notice now how so many toys highlight their "educational value"? What's with this? Why isn't a toy fun-quotient good enough? I recently attended a home toy party where this was all I heard about, how X toy helped teach this, Y toy helped with this. I bought nothing. I'm an educated person, I read to my kids, I limit TV, and I'm passionate about making sure my very bright kids live up to their full potential. But that doesn't mean that every thing they do has to teach them. Plenty of time to learn. Let them play! I feel quite blessed to live in a neighborhood where kids actually burst out of doors at the slightest inkling of nice weather or at the sound of other kids. On any given nice day, if you drove down my street in surburban Elmhurst, you’d see kids chasing, climbing, playing ball, riding bikes, whatever. Not to say these kids aren’t scheduled–and even my preschoolers certainly are. But there does seem to be some sense of balance between the amount of time spent in registered Park District classes and playing.

I realize this is not true everywhere–which is why I consider myself blessed. Playing just to play is the best part of childhood–fun for the sake of fun is the part I miss most.

But it’s not only by over-scheduling our kids that we de-fun their lives. I see it also in toys. Ever notice now how so many toys highlight their “educational value”? What’s with this? Why isn’t a toy fun-quotient good enough? I recently attended a home toy party where this was all I heard about, how X toy helped teach this, Y toy helped with this. I bought nothing.

I’m an educated person, I read to my kids, I limit TV, and I’m passionate about making sure my very bright kids live up to their full potential. But that doesn’t mean that every thing they do has to teach them. Plenty of time to learn. Let them play!

]]> By: Erin M. Spiess http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-53 Erin M. Spiess Sun, 16 Apr 2006 20:03:13 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-53 I'm a 47 yr old stay-at-home Mother in Evanston. I have lived here for almost 14 years and I still feel at times like I live in a surreal bubble. I guess the sense of alienation I feel now really kicked in after having two children here, aged 6 and 9. As a person and a parent I have found that I am judged for the most superficial reasons. I have been judged because of the lower socio-economic part of Skokie-Evanston I live in. The way I look, my smaller split-level house, even the shape of our lawn. Etc, etc,,,, The judgement includes the fact I'm a stay at home and we only have one income. I have met many other moms here who look down on me because my kids are not scheduled for the tons of activities your expected to have your children in. Almost all play between children has to be scheduled. If you don't then there are no children to play with! Gone are the days of just playing with the children down the block. There's no one home anyway ! I really was not prepared for the constant comparisons and lack of empathy or sense of community around here. The realizations have been sad ones. I believe it is no accident that my best friends are still my Chicago friends, even after living here for almost 14 years. I agree that there is a great deal of fear in the suburbs. Fear of the unknown. Fear of people who are different or anyone "outside" the bubble. People are suspect of me because I'm friendly. It's like if they say "Hello" back to me their afraid I'll show up at their house for dinner! My life is still happy. I chose to not to get taken up by all the rediculouslness of these other petty people. I know my family is happy and thats all that matters. Not whether or not my children are on the soccer team or we live in a smaller house. I’m a 47 yr old stay-at-home Mother in Evanston. I have lived here for almost 14 years and I still feel at times like I live in a surreal bubble. I guess the sense of alienation I feel now really kicked in after having two children here, aged 6 and 9.

As a person and a parent I have found that I am judged for the most superficial reasons.
I have been judged because of the lower socio-economic part of Skokie-Evanston I live in. The way I look, my smaller split-level house, even the shape of our lawn. Etc, etc,,,,

The judgement includes the fact I’m a stay at home and we only have one income. I have met many other moms here who look down on me because my kids are not scheduled for the tons of activities your expected to have your children in.
Almost all play between children has to be scheduled. If you don’t then there are no children to play with! Gone are the days of just playing with the children down the block. There’s no one home anyway !

I really was not prepared for the constant comparisons and lack of empathy or sense of community around here. The realizations have been sad ones.

I believe it is no accident that my best friends are still my Chicago friends, even after living here for almost 14 years.

I agree that there is a great deal of fear in the suburbs. Fear of the unknown. Fear of people who are different or anyone “outside” the bubble. People are suspect of me because I’m friendly. It’s like if they say “Hello” back to me their afraid I’ll show up at their house for dinner!

My life is still happy. I chose to not to get taken up by all the rediculouslness of these other petty people. I know my family is happy and thats all that matters. Not whether or not my children are on the soccer team or we live in a smaller house.

]]> By: Craig Chambers http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-34 Craig Chambers Sat, 11 Mar 2006 12:22:47 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-34 I was lucky to grow up in the 50's where an environment of limited TV and a rural setting nurtured play. Our structured activites i.e., little league baseball, could be interfaced with a "pick up" ball game of neighborhood kids in the field behind the house. Some days a "better" ball field became more of an obsession than playing the game.We redesigned the back stop 10x in one summer making it bigger and better from wood from the surrounding home constructions....and so our summers passed. My children were raised in the mid 70's-mid 80's. I saw snap shots of this ability to play, but there was not the intensity that that drove us in the 50's. Our culture (special emphasis on the mass media) may be lessoning our ability to generate unfettered thought. Good Luck to parents in this new century.!!! I was lucky to grow up in the 50’s where an environment of limited TV and a rural setting nurtured play. Our structured activites i.e., little league baseball, could be interfaced with a “pick up” ball game of neighborhood kids in the field behind the house. Some days a “better” ball field became more of an obsession than playing the game.We redesigned the back stop 10x in one summer making it bigger and better from wood from the surrounding home constructions….and so our summers passed.
My children were raised in the mid 70’s-mid 80’s. I saw snap shots of this ability to play, but there was not the intensity that that drove us in the 50’s. Our culture (special emphasis on the mass media) may be lessoning our ability to generate unfettered thought. Good Luck to parents in this new century.!!!

]]> By: Karen O'Keeffe http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-21 Karen O'Keeffe Wed, 22 Feb 2006 00:11:45 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-21 OK Jim, but not hearing children play in the evenings sure beats hearing gun shots every Saturday night like clock work and drag racing outside your front door. I feel like I moved to Mars when I moved from "the big city" to the suburbs. There are a lot of pluses to the suburbs, but I feel it slowly wearing away the uniqueness of me. I fight to not get involved in over scheduling. My kids and I make it a point to stay home all day on Mondays, to get the week started right. When I learned the power of saying "No" to every activity or ministry opportunity offered, it changed my life. Prayerfully considering the advantages of every possibility before putting on the schedule, an make a huge difference. Another tip I picked up was to consult my husband before embarking on something new. As the head of the householsd, he is intitled to a say in the family schedule as well. OK Jim, but not hearing children play in the evenings sure beats hearing gun shots every Saturday night like clock work and drag racing outside your front door. I feel like I moved to Mars when I moved from “the big city” to the suburbs. There are a lot of pluses to the suburbs, but I feel it slowly wearing away the uniqueness of me.
I fight to not get involved in over scheduling. My kids and I make it a point to stay home all day on Mondays, to get the week started right.
When I learned the power of saying “No” to every activity or ministry opportunity offered, it changed my life. Prayerfully considering the advantages of every possibility before putting on the schedule, an make a huge difference. Another tip I picked up was to consult my husband before embarking on something new. As the head of the householsd, he is intitled to a say in the family schedule as well.

]]> By: Jim Anderson http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-14 Jim Anderson Tue, 21 Feb 2006 18:30:06 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-14 I agree. I can't remember the last time I heard on a warm summer evening the excited voices of children at play yelling "Ready or not, Here I come!" or "Ole-Ole in come free!" I think the problem is us grownups who continue to play Hide and Seek... Hiding inside our air conditioned facades ...seeking comfort and meaning. I agree. I can’t remember the last time I heard on a warm summer evening the excited voices of children at play yelling “Ready or not, Here I come!” or “Ole-Ole in come free!”

I think the problem is us grownups who continue to play Hide and Seek… Hiding inside our air conditioned facades
…seeking comfort and meaning.

]]> By: Kaye Filkin http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-13 Kaye Filkin Tue, 21 Feb 2006 17:15:04 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-13 Now I know why my grandkids don't go out on their own to do what they seem to love to do when they have "free time". And we do have a 10 year old grandboy with his own PDA. F I'm the same way, unfortunately. I'm programmed for golf, tennis, aerobic swim class and weight training and when I have a free afternoon, I need to find a way to be alone and heal in mind and soul and rest the body. Lots of times I don't do it. Good book about fear - "State of Fear" by Michael Crichteon. It's a novel - shows the goal of all the news media is to foster fear. Bird flu, obesity, cancer, global warming, crime - plus terrorism. Scary stuff. Kaye Now I know why my grandkids don’t go out on their own to do what they seem to love to do when they have “free time”. And we do have a 10 year old grandboy with his own PDA. F

I’m the same way, unfortunately. I’m programmed for golf, tennis, aerobic swim class and weight training and when I have a free afternoon, I need to find a way to be alone and heal in mind and soul and rest the body. Lots of times I don’t do it.

Good book about fear – “State of Fear” by Michael Crichteon. It’s a novel – shows the goal of all the news media is to foster fear. Bird flu, obesity, cancer, global warming, crime – plus terrorism. Scary stuff. Kaye

]]> By: Administrator http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-12 Administrator Mon, 13 Feb 2006 01:26:44 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-12 That is a killer insight... the notion that there is fear that drives the programming... I've never thought of it like that. Great thoughts. Dave That is a killer insight… the notion that there is fear that drives the programming… I’ve never thought of it like that.

Great thoughts.

Dave

]]> By: Mary Johnson http://www.deathbysuburb.net/2006/02/09/the-poisoning-of-play.html/comment-page-1#comment-11 Mary Johnson Sun, 12 Feb 2006 00:19:08 +0000 http://www.deathbysuburb.net/?p=28#comment-11 Defining play as a counter-cultural act in the suburbs is so true!!! Who would have ever guessed that scheduling and mananging our children's activities would lead to such a sterile sad situation?! I am interested in the mind of the parent (especially the mom) who allows that to happen when she can clearly see that 'play' by its very nature must be spontaneous and free-wheeling and, above all, creative. I believe that there is an underlying fear that drives such over-programming. If only mom could learn to nurture her own soul by paying attention to her inner life she would quickly see the importance of "play for play's sake"---just because we bear the image of God. Mom's heart must change first! I live in a pre-fab rambler in an expensive suburb and enjoyed being that counter-cultural mom with kids putting on circuses,carnivals, and magic fests in the back yard. Too bad so few came to enjoy them----I guess they were all at soccer!!! Defining play as a counter-cultural act in the suburbs is so true!!! Who would have ever guessed that scheduling and mananging our children’s activities would lead to such a sterile sad situation?! I am interested in the mind of the parent (especially the mom) who allows that to happen when she can clearly see that ‘play’ by its very nature must be spontaneous and free-wheeling and, above all, creative. I believe that there is an underlying fear that drives such over-programming. If only mom could learn to nurture her own soul by paying attention to her inner life she would quickly see the importance of “play for play’s sake”—just because we bear the image of God. Mom’s heart must change first!
I live in a pre-fab rambler in an expensive suburb and enjoyed being that counter-cultural mom with kids putting on circuses,carnivals, and magic fests in the back yard. Too bad so few came to enjoy them—-I guess they were all at soccer!!!

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