Safe Community, Unsafe Life
Post a responseSeveral years ago, a woman working at a local fast-food restaurant in our community was gunned down. I don’t remember the precise motive, but apparently the issue was domestic—an old boyfriend or ex-husband. The killing shocked the community, or at least it did me. Things like that don’t happen here. I had taken our kids to the restaurant many times.
Not long ago, my oldest, 10, found out about the murder, and he asked where it had taken place. The next time we drove by the restaurant, I mentioned it again and told him that yes, this is where it happened.
Our oldest became quite fearful, not wanting to go to the fast-food joint again for fear of it happening again. No matter my explanation about how safe our community is or my explanation that most murders are not random. People often know their killers. But my son was not easily consoled. So much for the teachable moment.
I felt like a lousy parent for even allowing the discussion in the first place, but I was struck by his irrational but very real fear. It’s highly improbably that there will be a murder at that same restaurant while he is there. But it’s real to him. I often wonder how many of my deep-seated fears about my life are as irrational as his.
I am reminded by writer Kurt Vonnegut’s comment: “Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be the things that never crossed your mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 P.M. on some idle Tuesday.”
There is no safe life, no matter how safe your community. Truly, even in my county, which was recently ranked in the 99 percentile in the nation for quality of life, only God knows the number of our days.
February 21st, 2006 at 3:28 pm
You have something here. As a nation, our anxiety about terrorism is very real–but perhaps not realistic for most people around the country. I could see the smoke billowing out of the Pentagon on 9/11 from my office window, but most of us couldn’t. I mean no offense to any part of the country, but realistically, do we need super tight security at Podunk Municipal Airport? Aren’t we feeding an irrational fear that does nothing to combat terrorism or increase our vigilance but does make us avoid the Muslims who own the sub shop at the mall? My observation is that there’s a sort of delicious thrill in fearing something that you’re pretty sure isn’t going to happen to you. The self feels, well–glamorous–in a way that never actually happens in a real crisis.
February 21st, 2006 at 3:29 pm
Great, thanks.
February 21st, 2006 at 4:57 pm
Whew! Great thought about avoiding the Muslims the sub shop at the mall. So true.
February 21st, 2006 at 6:03 pm
My grandmother used to tell a story about a friend of hers who was so fearful of the dangers that lie outside her home, that she never left it. She died when the roof of her home collapsed on her.
Danger is everywhere. But God is in control of the big things and the little things. To live in constant fear is to not trust God. To not use the good sense He gave you, well that’s just stupid.
February 22nd, 2006 at 12:16 pm
The reminder to “not worry” is often profound. To worry changes nothing, but gives you grief and heartache…sometimes even heartburn. Prayer brings peace and so often direction for where you SHOULD be focusing your energy and gifts.
February 23rd, 2006 at 10:59 am
Safety and security are often issues of perspective. While I might think I’m safe or secure because of actions I’ve taken, am I really? In fact safety somewhat fuels the reasons suburbs exist. We all want it, and all of its trappings (i.e. safe neighborhood, big nest egg, secure friends, comfortable church, etc.). The reality though is that while pursuing activities that keep us safe can be quite good and sound aspirations, a sustainable feeling of safety can only come from letting go. Yes, it is trite to say, “let go and let God”, but if we’re honest what do we really control in our lives? Does my nest egg solve my son’s life-threatening food allergies? And will my attempts at security really nurture my relationship with my wife and kids? It seems that a pursuit of true safety is more a pursuit of understanding how God made the world, and our place/role in his creation.
February 23rd, 2006 at 1:43 pm
F – false
E – evidence
A – appearing
R – real
Fear and Faith both project into the furture. Both take a decision of our will and expend our energies. I guess the thing to remember is this: what you feed grows and what you starve dies. Better to starve out the fear by developing our measure of faith in God, who by the way, holds our times in His hands.
February 23rd, 2006 at 1:44 pm
F – false
E – evidence
A – appearing
R – real
Fear and Faith both project into the furture. Both take a decision of our will and expend our energies. I guess the thing to remember is this: what you feed grows and what you starve dies. Better to starve out the fear by developing our measure of faith in God. Whom by the way, holds our times in His hands.
March 4th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
My sister Margaret was murdered on 9-11 as she sat at her desk working and enjoying her day. She loved life but she was obsessed with insurance and protecting her life against anything that could harm her. 9-11 has taught me that no matte how much we think we have it made, there is no way of telling what the next moment is going to bring. Live in the moment and enjoy life, one day at a time.
March 4th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
My sister Margaret was murdered on 9-11 as she sat at her desk working and enjoying her day. She loved life but she was obsessed with insurance and protecting her life against anything that could harm her. 9-11 has taught me that no matter how much we think we have it made, there is no way of telling what the next moment is going to bring. Live in the moment and enjoy life, one day at a time.
March 12th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Martha and I have both read enjoyed the book. Being grandparents now, age 76 and 75 respectively, we have purchased copies for our adult children. It is a must read.
Wish we would have had the opportunity to have had the wisdom from the comments of Goetz’s book some 40 years ago.
Swede Roskam
March 15th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
Dave,
Spoken like a true suburbian!
As you know, Chicago has seen the murder of two girls in separate incidents in the same gang-infested neighborhood. Both were murdered by gang members aiming for someone else.(A 10-year-old was getting ready to eat her birthday cake). For those residents, there is nothing false about what is appearing. Some of us do have more to fear than others.
I do understand the need to take one day – and sometimes even one moment at a time – but there’s also such thing, I believe as healthy fear and worrying. They can move us to action that God would say is necessary and just. I also believe, however, that all is in God’s hands in the end. That is our ultimate comfort.
I also am thinking that fear and worrying don’t have to be synonymous.
Grace and peace
April 17th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Not, to be rude or anything, but why do people always say things like, “Things like that don’t happen here.”
Of course things like this happen there (here). You read about tragic events in small towns all the time. A friend of mine tried to commit suicide in a small town. Another friend was raped in a small town. Yet another friend worked as a pizza delivery guy and was killed for the less than $20 he was carrying at the time. Laramie, Wyoming. Columbine High School. Holcomb, Kansas. Just today, a man was charged with 1st degree murder of a 10 year old girl in Purcell, Oklahoma.
The one time I was physically assaulted and robbed was when I was in Oklahoma on business. Mind you, I live in Los Angeles and I have never been mugged here.
I guess I just think that nothing gets solved when people just go “oh, well that kind of stuff doesn’t happen here.” It’s like trying to brush the social ills that led to such a tragedy under the provebial rug. Communities need to take ownership and not hide its citizenry from real life problems.
To end my comment, I will refer to is a wonderful article in the Chicago Tribune about the atomization of culture:
“I think some geographies make it easier–if everyone’s white or everyone’s black or everyone’s Hispanic–to be insulated and less able to see other people’s human situations and problems. I think we’re seeing a redefining of the word ‘cocooning.’”
“It’s what sociologists call ‘the atomization of culture,’” said Deborah Caldwell, managing editor of Beliefnet.com, the highly regarded online spirituality magazine and virtual mega community.
“When you are affluent enough to live in a big house with a lot of property, you are walling yourself off,” she said. “You live in a bubble that contains your house, your car, your parking deck, your office.”
http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/chi-0604160316apr16,1,7000731.story